Above Below, in the Distracted Attorney's Office, Joey Maxill was reclining on Catheter Candlemaker's desk. Popping another cheese-covered chocolate drop into his mouth, he batted his thickly fringed baby browns at Catheter and leered at her. "So, Rodcleft, how about tripping the light fantastic with me? You can wear that red dress I've heard so much about."

Catheter leaned back in her chair, arching her back as she crossed one stocking-clad leg sensuously over the other. She ogled him from head to toe and thought to herself, "How come I never realized how hot my pal Joey is? Should I or shouldn't I?"

Below Above, Vincenzo was slaving away in the slime-coated, mud-soaked, sewage-flooded tunnels. Knee-deep in sludge, little did he know his grand amour was fighting off temptation Above Below. Heaving the five hundred pound wooden beam onto his mighty shoulders, he called to his fellow tunnel dweller, "The beam is up, Snotty!"

In an instant, Vincenzo was enveloped in a ray of sparkling lights, breaking his body down to its basic molecular level. He disappeared.

Catheter's amorous musings were interrupted by the rap, Rap, RAPPING on all the air ducts in the room. A message from Below!

Catheter's head snapped up as the message took form in her mind. Vincenzo has disappeared! Catheter gasped as her soul was filled with an emptiness deeper than the Abyss. Her gaze took in the single, lush red rose in its vase on her desk. It began to wilt and die, the petals dropping off one by one to lay like droplets of blood. It was her duty as his bond-mate to go Below and find him!

Catheter surged out of her chair and lunged forward. Joey's libido rose. She vaulted over the desk and him. His libido fell.

Racing to the bank of elevators, Catheter punched buttons wildly. Finally she heard a car coming through the closed double doors but it didn't stop. Using her adrenaline induced strength, she pried the doors open and jumped on top of the descending car.

Meanwhile, Vincenzo had been beamed aboard the Star Ship Booby Prize. Lieutenant Commandant Snot greeted him as Captain Burp entered the transporter room.

"Welcome aboard, Mr. . . .?" pumped Captain Burp.

"Vincenzo," he answered looking around the room with wide eyes.

"Ah, Mr. Smock," said the Captain to his First Officer who had just entered the room, "We have another one."

"Yes, Sir," agreed Mr. Smock checking his tricorder. "This would be number 62943 from the planet Kzinti."

"I'm confused," stated Vincenzo. "Why am I here?"

"Well, it's rather complicated. You see, you were left on Earth thirty-five years ago. There was a glitch in the manual overdrive and Snotty forgot where he left the twisted torque wrench," the Captain said, throwing the engineer a withering look. "Then, to top it off, your parents lost your boarding pass for the commuter Star Ship you were going on next. They had to leave you behind."

"But I was just a baby!" protested Vincenzo.

"I know," the Captain answered shrugging his shoulders. "But, you know how it is, rules is rules."

"Some weeks ago, the Federales passed a law stating all abandoned passengers were to be picked up and returned to their point of origin," Mr. Smock explained.

Vincenzo was distressed to hear this. "What about Catheter and Big Daddy?" he asked.

"They'll have to buy a ticket just like everyone else," said the Captain matter-of-factly.

Sliding to a stop in Big Daddy's chamber, Catheter took a second to catch her breath.

"Ahh, Catheter, how nice to see you. How have you been?" Big Daddy greeted calmly as he sat at a table covered with an on-going chess game. "Rat and I are just having a game. Would you like some tea?"

"Nice to see you too. I'm fine, no I don't want any tea. Vincenzo is missing," said Catheter, trying to get right down to the real nitty gritty of her visit Below.

"Oh, really? I heard that. He does that from time to time. I wouldn't worry if I were you," he answered distractedly.

"Big Daddy, he vanished into thin air in front of a witness!" she shrilled.

"Intriguing," said Big Daddy, not looking up from the chess board.

"Rat," said Catheter beseechingly, "Can you show me where it happened?"

"Can't do now. Busy. Will tell though," said Rat in his unique style of verbalism.

"If you'll follow Lieutenant Deadbody in the red shirt, he'll escort you to your quarters," instructed Captain Burp.

The Lieutenant motioned Vincenzo out of the transporter room and into the corridor.

"Where are we going?" inquired Vincenzo.

"Your quarters are in Area 51," answered the Lieutenant.

Catheter picked her way over the rock-strewn path, traveling deeper and deeper into the tunnels as Rat had instructed. Coming to a fork in the caverns she tried to remember, left or right? Deciding the left path would be the right choice, she continued on. It wasn't long before Catheter realized her mistake. The torches that had lit the path were no longer present. All she had to rely on now was her Marvin Martian flashlight, casting its feeble, wavering glow ahead of her steps. Feeling her way past outcrops of rock, she suddenly felt material under her hand. Gasping, she fell back a step. A voice from out of the darkness spoke to her.

"Good evening. Are you looking for your furry friend in the cape?" asked the unknown voice.

Catheter raised the flashlight to illuminate the figure hanging upside down from the ceiling. "Who are you?" she asked, knowing she had never seen this particular person at any of the gatherings Below.

"I'm Knick A. Nacht," he answered, his cultured voice slippy-sliding over Catheter, giving her goosebumps.

"What's the 'A' stand for?" she asked curiously.

" 'At', but that's not important. Searching for Vincenzo are you?"

"Why yes, have you seen him?" asked Catheter hopefully.

"Only as he was disappearing. It was quite a show. Very impressive. Since he probably won't be coming back tonight, if ever, I would love to have you for dinner," Knick offered.

Totally clueless, Catheter thought it over for a few seconds then declined. She really should look for Vincenzo, no matter how enticing Knick's offer was.

"I know someone who might be able to help you," said Knick.

"Who?" asked Catheter, ready to do whatever was necessary.

"Diaphragm Bendit. She works for the Special Farces Department of the NYPD. Give her a call, you'll like her," suggested Knick. "I did," he said, his canines gleaming in the dark.

Catheter gave Knick her thanks and said her good-byes. As she turned to leave she could feel his glowing, golden eyes on her back. She sighed longingly. He did have nice fangs.

"Here you are Sir," said the red-shirted Lieutenant. Vincenzo stopped at the door that said DS9.

"Thank you," said Vincenzo, seeing no way to enter. The lieutenant pushed a button on the panel next to the door and they opened with a "whoosh!" There was a figure standing on the other side of the aperture.

"Hey, dude, welcome! Looks like we're going to be roomies! I'm Myhrrth from Errth Tutu," said the furry-faced being extending one clawed hand to Vincenzo. Myhrrth checked over his shoulder to make sure the doors had shut and leaned in to whisper to Vincenzo, "Whatever you do, don't go on any Away Team missions with those red shirt guys!"

"Why not?" asked Vincenzo, not knowing what an 'Away Team' was anyway.

"Because they go but they never come back. Unless its with a tag on their big toe."

Vincenzo glanced around the room he was now to occupy and saw two large, garishly colored posters on a wall. "Who are they?" he asked Myhrrth.

"That's Xema and Herbalease. I watch their shows every week. Although it's hard to pick up sometimes when we're between galaxies," answered Myhrrth with passion.

"Oh."

"I really think you could use a bath, pal. Let me show you how to use the Sonic Shower."

"Bendit here," said the melodious voice on the phone.

"Ms. Bendit, you don't know me but . . ."

"Yes I do. You're Catheter Candlemaker and you want my help."

"That's right. I'm searching for . . ."

"Vincenzo."

"He's . . ."

"Disappeared. Right?"

"Yes. Will you help me . . ."

"This is more than I can handle alone. I'll need to call in some outside help."

"Who ya gonna call?" asked Catheter.

"Government busters. Come to my loft posthaste."

"ew…ah…eww…ahh…oh…ohh…ohhh…OH…OHH…yes…yess…YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!"

Myhrrth sat on his bunk trying to read his monthly Galaxy Girl's magazine and was having a hard time concentrating due to the noise coming from the Sonic Shower.

"Geez, it never did that for me," he said to the room in general.

A short time later Vincenzo emerged from the facilities with a silly grin on his face. Looking over at his roomie he stated, "By the way, meant to tell you earlier, nice earring."

"Hey, thanks dude. I got it off a short fellow with huge ears. We can have one replicated for you," Myhrrth offered.

"I think I'd like that. So what does one do on a Star Ship?" Vincenzo inquired.

"Well, first let's get you a clean set of clothes and then how about checking out some babes?" Myhrrth suggested.

"Cool!"

"Ms. Candlemaker, this is Agent Mouldy and Agent Scullery," said Diaphragm, introducing the strangers in her loft. "They're with the Feudal Bureau of Infestation."

"How do you do," said Catheter, shaking hands with the sober-looking individuals.

"Agents Mouldy and Scullery are with the X-Fools. They investigate strange phenomena outside the normal FBI purview."

"We'd like to check out the scene of the disappearance," stated Agent Mouldy.

"Fine. Follow me," instructed Catheter.

As they left Diaphragm's loft, Mouldy leaned over and said to Catheter, "You remind me of an old girlfriend. Maybe you know her. Sarah Connor?" he asked, entering the loft lift ahead of Catheter.

"Nice buns," thought Catheter as she checked out Mouldy's posterior.

As Vincenzo and Myhrrth left their quarters, Vincenzo heard the raucous sound of bagpipes. "Where is that coming from?" he asked of Myhrrth.

"Oh, try not to mind him, that's just the Highlander, McClod. He only plays them when he's having an argument with his roommate, Ramirez."

Lieutenant Commandant Snot nodded to Vincenzo and Myhrrth in the corridor as they passed by. Accompanying him was a large, bulky automaton.

"I'm so depressed," complained the robot as he shuffled behind Snot. "I have the brain power of an entire planet and what am I doing? Helping you to repair sonic showers."

"Ah, shut up, you tin can full of spare parts. How did I get saddled with you?" Just then, the ship's doctor came into view. "Moans!" exclaimed Snot, "You're just the man I wanted to see!"

Moans approached with a wary eye. "Yes, Snotty, what can I do for you?"

"You can take this stupid robot off my hands, I think he's having a nervous breakdown," answered Snot.

"Why me?" asked Moans.

"Because I'm an engineer, not a psychiatrist."

"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me," groaned the robot.

The questing quartet quietly quickened their steps down to the world Below Above. Catheter led the way. Reaching the hub of tunnels, they stumbled upon Big Daddy in a clinch with Married. Catheter cleared her throat, "Ahem."

Big Daddy reluctantly tore his lips away from Marrieds' as Catheter said,

"Big Daddy, I'm sorry to bring the uninvited with me. They're here to help me find Vincenzo."

"Don't be ridiculous my dear, all strangers are welcome down here. If you will excuse us, we were just on our way to Married's chamber."

On Deck 10, Recreation Room 2, Vincenzo and Myhrrth made their way through the hoards of human and alien beings. They finally found an empty table in the far back corner. Zaphod Beeblebrox waved one of his three hands in a greeting to Myhrrth and called out with one of his two heads, "Hey, Myhrrth, how's the second coolest dude in the galaxy?"

Spying Mr. Smock, Vincenzo called to him asking him to join him and Myhrrth.

Mr. Smock walked over to them with a walk, shuffle, drag. Walk, shuffle, drag.

"Whatever is that hanging onto your ankle?" asked Vincenzo.

"It's Nurse Weddin Chapel. It would seem she's formed an attachment of sorts for me."

"Sigh . . ." sighed Nurse Chapel from her prone position on the floor.

"Looks like Nursey here is the only chick around," Myhrrth observed. "I wonder where they all went?"

No sooner had the words left Myhrrth's mouth, then in strolled Captain Burp with his entourage of females.

"Looks like the Captain got all the sweeties. Again," groused Myhrrth, taking a swig of his Muddwiser Beer.

"It was right here," Catheter said as the others bent down to inspect the spot.

Diaphragm closed her eyes and turned in a circle until she made herself dizzy. "I can feel a trace of magnetic resonance," she said.

"Hmmm . . ." said Mouldy.

"I see no scientific reason for being here," griped Scullery.

Mouldy pulled an oblong metallic object out of his pocket.

"What is that?" questioned Catheter.

"It's something I picked up at a swap meet. I think it's an electronic thumb," he joked.

"What's this button on the side for?" she asked, pressing it.

The quartet appeared in the wreck room, in glittering columns of light. Catheter, Diaphragm, Mouldy and Scullery looked around in confusion. "Where are we?" whispered Catheter.

"I don't know, but it ain't Kansas," replied Diaphragm.

Rather annoyed, Captain Burp pushed one of his females off his lap and bellowed, "Hitchhikers! I specifically said no more hitchhikers as we pass through this galaxy!"

Scullery was agog, mouth agape, as she stared at the myriad alien species tossing down spiked punch in the wreck room.

"See," said Mouldy smugly, "What did I tell you, aliens really do exist," he stated in a loud voice. The room fell quiet.

"I'm sure there's a logical, scientific reason for all this," Scullery snapped back. "Perhaps they're having a costume party?"

Mr. Smock's ears perked up more so than usual. Dragging the nurse along with him, he introduced himself to the newcomers, taking a particular interest in Scullery. "I like the way you think," he said. "How about dinner sometime?"

"I don't think so," answered Scullery. "Looks like you've got all you can handle," referring to Nurse Weddin Chapel now slathering kisses on Smock's ankle.

"Three new skirts!" said Myhrrth with relish. He nudged Vincenzo in the ribs. "Let's go check them out before Burp gets to them!" he urged. "I've got dibs on the blonde," he said pushing his way through the crowd that had quickly gathered.

Meanwhile, Catheter was eyeing the attractive young captain of the ship. She liked powerful men.

Vincenzo got close enough to see over the heads of the others and spotted Catheter. He turned to Myhrrth and snarled, "The blonde is mine."

"Hey, redheads are good too, buddy. Just chill, no problemo."

"Catheter!" called Vincenzo.

"Vincenzo!" screamed Catheter, knowing her beloved's falsetto voice anywhere. Pulling away from the others, she ran toward him, picking up speed as she went. Reaching him, she knocked him on his keester with her enthusiastic greeting.

Picking himself up from the floor, Vincenzo blushed and brushed himself off. "Catheter, I wish you would forget you were on the wrestling team in high school."

As Catheter arose, she came nose to nose with Myhrrth, a very intriguing feline fellow. His yellow eyes made her toes curl up in her shoes, her toenails jabbing her instep.

Suddenly, without warning, in an unexpected instant, the ship lurched. Everyone turned into a giant x-ray.

"Nice teeth," complimented Mouldy to Diaphragm.

Seconds later, everyone and everything was back the way it was before everything suddenly, without warning, in an unexpectedly. . .(Sorry.) Captain Burp announced to the crew and passengers, "Not to worry folks, we've just returned to our time. Star Date 3468.1."

Myhrrth sidled up to Diaphragm and Scullery. "Are you two beauties sisters? And how do you feel about cats . . .?"

"Love 'em," purred Scullery.

All of the loudspeakers popped on at the same time, blasting out a message.

"It was the dawn of the third age of womankind. Ten years after the Earth-

Minbarium War. The Babble On Project was a dream, given form. Its goal to prevent another war, by procreating in a place where humans and outlanders can work out their differences peaceably. It's a port of coal, home away from house for diplomats, hustlers, entrepreneurs and bums."

"Oh, shit," moaned Burp, as Snotty walked into the room. "May I assume we've had another 'glitch'?"

Snotty bowed his head and nodded shamefully. "Aye, Captain, my wee bairns are at it again. It'll no' take long to fix 'em though."

"People and aliens wrapped in two million, five hundred thousand tons of twirling aluminum, all alone in the night. It can be a dangerous place but it's our last, best, hope for a piece. This is the saga of the last of the Babble On Stations. The year is twenty-two fifty-eight, the time is six o'clock a.m. The name of the place is Babble On 5."

Scullery covered her ears with her hands to block out the noise coming from the speakers. "Why are they going on and on and on like that?" she asked Myhrrth.

"Because they have a loyal fan following. Why do you think they call it 'Babble On'?" he answered.

"Wait! Wait!" Captain Burp shouted. "We have a better intro than that. Listen.

Space . . . the final frontier. Theses are the voyages of the Star Ship Booby Prize. Her never ending reruns will explore strange new worlds, will peek at new life and new civilizations . . . and boldly go where no man has went before!"

The crew moaned and groaned in unison. "The Captain's at it again," they said. There was a general plunge for the door as they decided taking their stations was far better than listening to "the old man" spout off.

Catheter led Vincenzo into the corridor for a quiet moment alone. "Do you have a room on the ship?" Catheter asked seductively, batting her mascaraed eyes.

"Yes, I do," said Vincenzo. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm going to boldly go where no woman has gone before."